Q: What did Mark Hoppus say after getting off the roller coaster?
A: Well I guess this is throwing up.
I come from a
big gigantic family. I have seven siblings - four brothers and three sisters, ranging in age from 19-33. In recent history, it really feels as if the age gap is sliding, and the maturity is at an all-time low.
On Sunday, I went out to my parents’ house in the suburbs for Father’s Day/my brother Christopher’s birthday. It’s a rare occasion that six out of eight of us are in the Chicago area (plus two awesome spouses), so we like to take advantage of whatever time we have together. The whole family was in a state of rolling hangovers from cousin Maggie’s wedding the night before, so the giggle fest was set in motion fairly easily.
After a nice dinner on the porch, we were cleaning up the kitchen, when my brothers Christopher (29), Danny (23) & Matthew (21) started playing catch with a cantaloupe. This, in itself, was enough to reduce my mom & I to tears laughing. My mom & I left the room to go retrieve more plates, and while we were gone, Christopher (29) bet Danny $25 to spike it to the ground in front of my mom. We came back in the room, Christopher tossed the cantaloupe to Danny and he spiked it hard into the ground a couple yards from my Mom’s feet. The funniest part was, as he was raising his Water Polo arm up to spike it down, my mom knew what was going to happen and said “DON’T YOU DARE SPIKE THAT CANTALOUPE!”
And then we all peed our pants laughing.
- Me: I'm gonna keep buying lotto tix so we can work on buying that warehouse
- Jess: ok good
- Me: Either that or I'm gonna do it the old-fashioned way.
- 1) Marry a rich old man
- 2) Get hit by a Lexus
- or 3) The Curly Sue combo. Get hit by a Lexus being driven by a rich old man.